Nope, once again I didn't forget about this blog...trust me I see it everyday when I go into my favorites file.  I'm getting myself back onto track.  Worked out last night for 35 minutes in my bedroom because we rearranged the livingroom furniture and there isn't enough room to workout in front of the tv.  I thought that my laptop would play my workout dvds and I could workout at the other end of the livingroom (my livingroom is really big) but it's just a cheap peice of crap and the dvd player doesn't work anymore so my only other option was upstairs.  Maybe I'll get a cheap dvd player and hook it up to my small 13 in tv thats in the playroom (no cable so it just sits there) and take them down to the basement and try and set up a work out room down there.  Dispite the fact that it creeps me the F out, it would make a good room because it's cool and the floor is hard and I won't feel like I"m going to drop through.  I would hate to have to explain that to the contractor..."well..I was working out and I jumped and broke through the floor." 
But what inspired my jump back into my weight loss goal?  My pre pregg clothes.  I found all my super cute tops buried in a box when I was cleaning out my closet Saturday night (because I'm a loser who cleans out her closet on a Saturday night).  I threw them in the hamper and took them down to wash and I pouted and said "I want to fit into my old clothes again." and hubby said "I want you to fit into them too."  Plus I just feel like CRAP..more so then usual.  I have zero energy, all I want to do is just lay down and sleep all day and it's affecting my household management. 
I had a dream that really started the entire deal a few days back where in my dream I was healthy in a seperate self and my fat self asked my healthy (I hate saying thin or skinny) self how I did it.  My healthy self said..."I dunno, I just started working out 30 minutes a day and cut out a few unhealthy foods one at a time."  Who knew my healthy side was so wise...it took a dream for her to finally be able to talk some damn sense into me because my fat self likes to keep me in denial about how bad the situation really is.
So I don't know..I guess I can sit here and type all I want but nothing is going to happen util I just start doing it.  I need to get back to writing in a food journal...that's what really helped me start to get the pounds off.  So..I guess I should just shut up and go make myself breakfast before it gets to the point where I just want to stuff myself because I'm so hungry.

Totally forgot about weighin this morning until I got on my computer and saw my weigtloss folder.  I'm really hungry right now and I've only had a small cup of coffee and some almonds today (yes I know, very healthy right).  Well, I just weighed myself and as I figured I didn't like the answer.  I'm recording it because it's not an acurate reading b/c I've been up, running around and such.  I'll do it first thing when I wake up tommarow and if it's the same number then I know I really need to get my ass back on track.
I went over to John's grandparents house and they took pictures of K. and me playing in the grass and I was SHOCKED at how big I looked!  You just don't think it's as bad as it is until a picture smacks you in the face with the truth.  I have no definition in my face...it's just a pale blob of pizza dough with eyes, nose and lips.  I'm going to have hubby take pictures of me week by week as I'm making progress (if I even make progress...I need to dedicate myself more to this, although I've broken a couple of nasty habits so far, so thats good) so I can see how things change. 
Man the thought of working out is so daunting right now, but I need to get over it and just do it.  If I work out for 30 minutes everyday this week (Wed-Wed) I'm going to give myself a reward.  Don't know what it will be but I am.  I have a week to figure it out I guess.

I don't know why I bothered getting on the scale this morning..did I think because I did 30 minutes of step aerobics that 10lbs would magically fall off?!?!
I was looking to buy some new pants b/c I only have one good pair and I just got depressed looking at the sizes...I know they vary from one manufacturer or another, but thank you Fashion Bug for making feel perticularly huge....size 30 my ASS.  At least if I get down to my pre-preggy size I have all those pants..I have at least 4, so that will get me though until the next time I'll really need them and even then I have one pair that I can't wear until my hips go down to 48"....10" to get to that.  Belive it or not I ALMOST got into those at one point in time....after about 5 months of eating only 200 calories a day and working out for 4hrs a day.  Even then I only lost 40lbs (I was 220 and got to 180) when I'm sure a normal person with no hormone issue would have lost 80 or more.

Still 266...hoping for a breakthough this coming Monday.  I have to double up my efforts...it's the weekend.

I didn't forget about this blog...I've just been too damn embarraced to write in it.  I went off track...not just a little where the people in the train get off with just a bump on the head...I'm talking TOTAL fatality.  Okay, not that bad..I've only gained back 3lbs.  It was my freaking girl time...I have to work on it...I need to stop letting my hormones talk me into things.  First it was my anniversary, so I let me go then....and then it was my kid's birthday so I let it go again and now I'm having fat girl's remorse.
But now I'm back and ready to get on track again...after I go grocery shopping...the pantry is bare with only party food left.  Hubby gets paid on Friday so I'll go Friday and use up my Healthy Choice soups and the frozen chicken breasts.  I still have healthy stuff frozen in the depts of my freezer.
This is where I get to practise that willpower I eluded to earlier as the girl thing is due to show up in 5 days.  I'm going to workout after Hubby leaves for work so I can have some peace.  Hopefully my thudding around downstairs doesn't wake up the girl....OH GOD THERE'S A EARTHQUAKE...oh wait..mom's just working out.

Done and done.

Well....Lady Red is here today so there is no use even trying to think about losing a few pounds for the next oh...5 days.  Hopefully when she leaves she will take a few pounds with her though.  Just got to keep up with the healthy eating and working out...well..not vigirosly as I would...because with me...just........ew.

Well today is my wedding anniversary so this weekend we are going to Chef Allen and I"m going to enjoy myself and not worry about it.

Hello Hello...guess who woke up 2.5 inches smaller on the hips!  If you guess ME then you are CORRECT!  The scale hasn't really budged from 265 but that's okay because in my world inches are worth more to me then pounds.  Trying to incorperate more movement into my day.  I just did 10 minutes on my elliptical machine and will do 20 more later on tonight.  I need to get some good sneakers...working out in Crocs..no freaking wonder my ankles hurt after 10 minutes on the machine.
Litte victory Saturday morning when I went to put on a pair of pants I havn't been able to wear in awhile...they fit..a little snug mind you, but I was still able to wear them proudly to the grocery store as I strolled past the snack isle to produce  
My weekend wasn't as clean as I had hoped it would be, but I still for the most part sayed pretty much on track.  Mostly what helped is the fact that my stomach has finally shrunk and I just can't eat as much as I used to and I used to be able to pack it away.  3 days and I start girly time..oh joy.  I weigh in in 2 days so I can't imagine the scale is going to show a positive result, but I KNOW I've been good so it's not going to bother me like it would have in the past (not that I ever got girly time in the past).
My enegry is up for sure. I was running around like crazy in the backyard with my 2 yr old...yay!

Okay..speaking of 2 yr old...nap time is over.

So starting out week #2 with a 1lb loss...yah I know I said I wasn't going to check everyday, but it just feels like something is missing in the morning if I don't.  Once the scale starts to stay the same everyday I'll stop.  God lord you think I was addicted to heroin or meth..or whatever the devil the popular drug of choice is these days.

So yah, 265 today...seems so far away from 274 but it really isn't.  When I hit 264 it will be 10lbs gone and I'm going to celebrate somehow...maybe buy some nice scrapbooking stuff or some stuff to make a quilt for my kiddo.  Either way, I have never lost this much weight it such a short amount of time before...I know I keep repeating myself but I'm just excited.  Well...actually more terrified then excited.  I'm actually terrified of losing my securtiy blanket and becoming a new person.  I can't handle change very well and I'm so scared of losing a large amount of weight.  Does that even make sense?  I'm worried I'm going to sabotage myself and not realize it, so I must be vigilent.  I've never been skinny so I have no clue how I'll take it, not that I think I'll be skinny, I know I won't...I'll have a Racheal Ray body...of course Hubby is excited!  He likes her shape...soft and warm with a booty.